Hello 2010.

The new decade has just as much misery and pain as years before have had. The only difference is I'm older, and more prone to realizing just how much i hate it.
This isn't where i thought I'd be on January 4, 2010.
I wanted to be sitting with my boyfriend and best friends on the couch at my house drinking lemonade and watching my bloody valentine in 3D. But everybody's priorities have changed. Nobody wants to do that anymore, and it's a damn shame we couldn't anyway because they're fresh out of 3D glasses all around the fucking world.
Yeah, i thought my relationship wouldn't be riddled with pain and hurt. I never thought I'd have to try and fix things, and repair damage that shouldn't have even been done. It's bullshit. The new start is just as flawed as 2000 was, the only difference is we were promised to be obliterated at the beginning of the new century. Now, unfortunately it's just a plain new decade. We have to wait another 2 years or so for the world to be under threat once again. When death isn't our FAULT. And none of us can be to blame for escaping out of our misery. It'd be the earths fault. The older generations. We can pass the blame, just like we've gotten so good at doing.

I've never felt more alone than i do right now. And the stupid thing is, i shouldn't feel alone at all. I still have that same boyfriend i wanted to keep on loving. and that was entirely my choice. And it was my choice to isolate all but 2 amazing individuals in my life. Because i thought that nobody would ever change, or get sick of hearing my problems, or find love. i hate change, and i thought my life never would. i wanted the same group of friends, the same boyfriend who treated me amazingly. i wanted to stay in school forever, not have to face that this is the last year of a 13 year torture tour through my schooling year. But the worst thing of all, is now that it's here i want it to go away.
i have goals, and most of my future planned. But it's the right here and now that i just can't get past. This year was supposed to be good, but then again so was 2009. And look where that got me. Stuck in 2010 with an even worse year ahead of me than the ones before.
Assignments, homework,heartbreak and loss are definitive this year and if i somehow manage to be happy by cramming a whole heap of anti depressants down my throat, which is where my heart seems to have permanently relocated to, then that's just a bonus. But for now, i am waiting for a year of eating disorders, panic attacks and petty teenage bullshit.
Hello new decade, wake me up when i'm 26.